Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in
passing, only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So
on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, only a look and a
voice, then darkness again and a silence.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
We were like ships that passed in the night. 13 years spent together was such a small piece of a life troubled by addictions...a life destined to be shorter than we would have wished.
A long time ago...as I was leaving...unable to struggle any more...unable to compete with a bottle and anger...I somehow was able to separate the man from the addiction..and I left all anger, all bitterness, all blame...behind.
Perhaps you did not know that. You distanced yourself from your children. You created huge wounds that may never heal. If ever I felt anger towards you, it was because of this.
How I longed to hear you say the words that would have served as a healing balm. "I am sorry. I regret. I love... You were right."
Those words have finally been said to your children as you leave them...one last time.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you....
Do not fear that your life has been in vain. You have left the best part of you in three children that you helped bring into this world. They are amazing people. They are wonderful parents...in spite of everything that you and I did, or did not, do.
Your life has been spent in darkness. Death will bring light and peace. Do not fear.
God bless you in the next part of your journey, Ray.
Beautifully said Wendy. I have a close family member whose life is, as you say, 'spent in darkness.' It's hard to be a witness to the pain and suffering of someone living with addictions and there is often coflicted feelings of anger and frustration. I'm glad you have been able to find peace in all this. Wishing good thoughts for you. xo Amber
ReplyDeleteThank you Amber. It is tough for everyone involved, as you know all too well. Your words are a comfort.
DeleteBeautifully done. I'm sure there was a lot of pain behind those words ... and by the sounds of it some relief too. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteYou know...I just have to say it...I feel it takes a stronger woman to leave the situation then to stay...especially when children are involved. I KNOW our lives were better off because you were strong enough to leave...I think if you had stayed, down the road you would be asking all of US for forgiveness for staying and putting us through that daily hurt. It's one thing to not feel loved by someone from a distance but when they are in the same room, it hurts even more...that's what our lives would have been like...so thank you, for being strong for us and putting us first...we are all better people/parents and partners because of the life you gave us and the things you taught us.
ReplyDeleteJust the fact that you wrote this...that you are thinking of him and sending him good vibes...shows the amazing person you are. I only hope I can love as unselfishly as you do and that my children will one day look up to me and respect me the way I do you <3
xox Doll ;)
Thank you, little doll. I am such a proud mom!
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